Happy Mother's Day!

I usually don't like chain e-mails -- jokes and videos and inspirational thoughts that have been around the Internet and back a zillion times. But every now and then, I get a jewel, like this one. And a timely jewel it is, too.

Happy Mother's Day to every woman who has stretch marks to prove it. Enjoy!



25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Were you raised in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

The Incredible Shrinking Bread Loaf

For about a year, I’ve noticed this trend toward downsizing in grocery stores. "Downsizing” is really not the right word. It’s more like "fraud," as more and more food and product manufacturers try to fool consumers into thinking that we should continue to shell out the same amount of money – or more -- for less of something.

Do they really think we’re that stupid?

Well, we must be because we continue to take it on the chin. We continue to purchase these incredible shrinking products at over-inflated prices. And I’m pointing the finger at myself, too!

I first noticed it with toilet paper. I used to buy the 12-pack of Charmin. It lasted about three weeks in our household. Then Charmin decided to repackage their TP from 12 rolls down to six double rolls. Do the very simple math, and you would think that you’re getting the same amount of toilet paper, right? Well, we weren’t. This double-roll package barely lasts two weeks now. Something stinks.

Then came the anorexic bottles of laundry detergent. I’m not sure who started it first – Tide, Cheer or All – but their bottles suddenly became smaller and thinner. They tried to convince us all that these newly repackaged jugs of liquid soap were now “double strength.” And it worked!

And now that the detergent giants realize what suckers we are, they’ve launched their newest scam: Even SMALLER detergent containers, but TRIPLE the strength. So within a year’s time, laundry detergent has morphed from 100 oz. to 50 oz. to the latest rip-off – the 32.-oz-triple-load jug. And to add insult to injury, they’ve also jacked up the prices.

Did you notice that gallons of ice cream are smaller, too? The price is the same, but now you get even less of the good stuff.

Recently, I fell for the most clever scam of all: Two bread loaves shrink-wrapped together for a little more than the price of one. Bread prices are outrageous, too, and when I saw that I could get two loaves for a few cents more than I pay for one loaf, I thought, “I’m there!”

When I brought my prized loaves home, I discovered that I had been scammed. Those so-called “full loaves” of bread were really half loaves. And when I placed one on top of the other, choo-choo-train-style, whaddya know . . . the length of those combined two HALF loaves was about three slices longer than one regular loaf of bread. And I paid about 75 cents more for it, too!

Speaking of bread rip-offs, have you noticed that Quiznos has joined in on the incredible-shrinking-bread-loaf scam? Their six-inch loaves are much thinner now. Length-wise, you might be getting the full six inches. But they’ve definitely lost some girth.

You would think that during a deep recession, a time when so many families are rubbing nickels together just to get by, that companies such as Tide and Charmin and Quiznos would try to make things a little easier for their loyal consumers. They have decided to gouge us, instead.

Besides toilet paper, ice cream, laundry detergent and bread, what other items have you noticed are getting smaller and smaller, yet pricier and pricier?

• 4 Easy Steps for DIY Laundry Detergent (suddenlyfrugal.wordpress.com)
  
• 3 Safety Precautions with DIY Cleaners (suddenlyfrugal.wordpress.com)

Octomom Gets A Tattoo

Did you hear the EXCITING news?? Nadya Suleman (a.ka. "Octomom") got a tattoo to pay tribute to her eight brand-spanking-new babies.

Forget the Swine Flu outbreak. This is, by far, so much more newsworthy!

I just have one question: While "Mom of the Year" was spending hours at a tattoo parlor, exposing her flesh in a tight shirt and pursing those collagen-infused, sausage lips for the cameras, who was watching her 14 children???? And after a few hours, wouldn't they be pretty damn hungry, ready and waiting for the milk wagon to pull up?

Does it get any more white-trash than this? Someone should call Child Protective Services. Watch the video for yourself here.

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SHAME On Del Taco!

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday, I was out and about with my two daughters, mid-afternoon, and they had the after-school munchies, so we stopped at the first fast-food haunt we saw – Del Taco. We order, pay, and drive off. Ten seconds later, my 11-year-old in the back seat asks, “Mom, what does ‘I bagged a hottie’ mean?”

Come again, sweet little girl who shouldn’t be saying such things?!

She handed me the bag that contained all our food, and printed in BIG, bold letters on the Del Taco bag, it said, “I bagged a hottie.” Oh . . . I get it. Del Taco must have just launched a new advertising campaign. Well, aren’t they clever?? I was so impressed by their wit. My daughters and I laughed all the way home.

Um, I don't think so.

What is wrong with you, Del Taco?! Are you telling me that there is not ONE parent in corporate headquarters or at that thoughtless advertising agency that came up with this campaign who might have thought: “Hmmmm . . . maybe this campaign isn’t real appropriate for families who have young children.”

Unless your marketing department decided that hungry mothers and children aren’t in your target demographic group, then you have made a huge mistake taking this recent ad campaign of yours public.

Imagine how uncomfortable I felt, as a mom, trying to explain to my daughter what “bagging a hottie” meant. What’s next, “Eat My Taco”? Or “Lick My Hot Sauce.” Or perhaps you might consider selling hot dogs so you can emblazon your bags and wrappers with, “Grab A Weenie.”

I am pleading with all moms in the blogosphere to put pressure on Del Taco to yank this shameful ad campaign and put every single brown paper bag printed with “I Bagged A Hottie” right where they belong . . . in the trash!

And they may want to dispose of their advertising agency while they’re at it, too.

Sticker Shock

You recognize these car stickers, don't you? For some bizarre reason, motorists feel compelled to let everyone know how many kids and pets they have, and what all their names are, too. Yeah, they provide some light entertainment when you're stuck behind that mini van at a long light. Come to think of it, I'd like to see Octo Mom's custom decal showing off her 14 children. Not sure the back window would be wide enough, though.

Normally, I don't pay any attention to these decals, but one did catch my eye the other day. The stick-figure lineup included a man with HUGE muscles, a woman next to him, a little girl and a dog. What made this particular decal so different is that there was a HUGE red "X" over the mom. Get it? Dad, the driver, is divorced, and judging by his shameless promotion of it, he couldn't be happier.

As a divorced single mother, I thought it was tacky and lacked sensitivity to how his daughter might be feeling. I'm sure she doesn't like riding around in a car that is advertising the fact that her mom is out of the picture. She must be embarrassed and hurt by that. What's that saying from Dr. Phil? "Saying bad things about your ex in front of your children is like attacking their DNA." I wondered if she thought that maybe her father might "X" her out of his life someday, too.

Anyway, I tried to take a picture of it for you all because I heard that's what the really good bloggers do. And I did, with my cell phone. But I forgot to click save before I shut the camera off and when I got home to retrieve the picture, it had been deleted. And of course the mini van was long gone by then, parked somewhere in the driveway of Happy Bachelor Land. So the generic photo above will have to suffice.

Sorry. I'll know better next time I'm out and about as a roving blogger.

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My New Theme Song

If you're not an "American Idol" fan, you will be after watching the video in the post BELOW THIS POST. (For some reason, I couldn't include this block of copy and the video in one post. I'm still very blogger-challenged -- sorry!)

In fact, I will go so far as to say that you are probably watching the next crowned prince of the show -- Adam Lambert from Hollywood, California. This performance earned him a standing ovation on Tuesday night from the perpetually cranky, never-impressed-with-ANYONE Simon Cowell. That, in itself, is an AMAZING feat!

Why am I posting it here? DUH! The song is called "A Mad World," and I thought it would be a nice tie-in with my blog. Plus, with as many hits as this video is getting all over the Internet, this Mad Mom would be out of her mind not to!

Click and ENJOY! I have . . . about a million times!

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