Dead Ringer

Image via Wikipedia We're addicted to our cell phones. They're cupped in our hands, stashed in our pockets, wrapped around our ears, waiting on our nightstand for us in the morning . . . they are always, always close by and within reach. God forbid, we should miss a call or a text message.

We love our cell phones so much, that now we are taking them with us to the other side. Believe it or not, some folks are asking their relatives to bury their cell phones with them -- turned on and fully charged, six feet under. Talk about dropped calls. (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28182292/)

If I was a prankster, I'd stand very solemnly at the gravesite, one hand on my cell phone buried in my pocket, and just as they were lowering the coffin into the ground, I'd dial the deceased's number. The panic and confusion that would ensue afterward? Priceless.

Not Alone In My Madness

Image via Wikipedia Now that I'm done whining about a few things, I think it's time I started enlightening you. Offer up some real-world advice for raising kids in this tech-savvy, cyber-obsessed world that, unfortunately on so many counts, is here to stay. I'm not adopting an "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. It's more of an "if you can't beat 'em, stay way ahead of 'em" philosophy.

I've stumbled on a few sites out there that you parents will find very helpful. Sites that can help parents guide their children safely through this age of social, interactive media. First off, check out connectsafely.org (http://www.connectsafely.org/). This site was started by the authors of "MySpace Unraveled: What it is and how to use it safely." You'll find tons of tips and advice on how to help your kids navigate safely through the Web and how to engage in safe social networking. Like these:


* Be reasonable and try to set reasonable expectations. Pulling the plug on your child’s favorite social site is like pulling the plug on his or her social life. Instead of being protective, it can shut down communication and send kids "underground" where they're more at risk. It's too easy for them to set up free blogs and profiles from anywhere, including friends' houses or even a cell phone.

* Talk with your kids about how they use the services. They, not news reports or even experts, are the ones to consult about their social-Web experience. Help them understand basic safety guidelines, such as protecting their privacy (including passwords), not harassing peers, never talking about sex with people they don't know, avoiding in-person meetings with people they "meet" online, and taking care in what they post - because anything people put online can be grabbed, reworked, and used against them.

* Support critical thinking and civil behavior because no laws or parental-control software can protect better than a child's developing good sense about safety and relationships. Research shows that kids who are aggressive and mean online toward peers or strangers are at greater risk of becoming victims themselves. So teach them to be good citizens and friends online as much as offline.

* Consider requiring Internet use in a high-traffic place in your home - not in kids' rooms - to help you stay aware of their online time. This way, you can encourage a balance between online time and their offline academic, sports, and social times. Know that there are also many ways kids can access the Internet away from home, including on many mobile phones and game players.

* Try to get your kids to share their profiles and blogs with you, but be aware that they can have multiple accounts on multiple services. Use search engines and the search tools on social-networking sites to search for your kids' full names, phone numbers and other identifying information. You're not invading their privacy if they're putting personal info in public "places" online. If their pages are private, that's a good thing, but it's even better if they share it with you.


© 2008 ConnectSafely.org

Taxing Times

Today I'm not mad. I'm broke. Paid my property taxes -- OUCH! What I don't get, though, is why we are forced to shell out money for taxes during the two months of the year when most people are short on cash -- December and April -- Christmas time and Federal income tax time.

Who was the genius who came up with this idea?

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Hey, Let's Eat!

Image via Wikipedia Today, I’m not so mad. Sorry to disappoint you. How could I be in any other mood but a jolly one? Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the most glorified dinner of the year. People all over the country will be taking planes, trains and automobiles to sit at the table with loved ones – and those folks you have to put up with once a year.

Whatever your plans, I wish you a relaxing, warm and wonderful day. And don’t worry about eating too much. You have the whole year to work it off. Or you could just roll over the calories into the next holiday, like a Frequent Eater Program.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it! Happy Thanksgiving!

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Kids Are NOT Sexy, OK?!

This blog is aimed directly at parents. (In fact, if I could shoot a few of you, I would.) This weekend, I experienced two incidents that really disturbed me. My daughters and I were shopping, and this little girl walked by me, she must have been 7 years old, tops. Cute little thing, except she was wearing this T-shirt that shouted in big, bold letters: “I LOVE FRAT BOYS!”

What?? Does she even know what a frat boy is? Has she even seen “Animal House?” First off, I would not be encouraging my 7-year-old daughter to love boys. At that sweet age, she should love stuffed animals and macaroni and cheese (and her mom and dad, of course). Secondly, encouraging your daughter to love boys who are rude, obnoxious, destructive, and focused on partying and screwing hordes of women is not good parenting, People!

Most important, why would you think it’s cute, funny or cool to turn your precious young daughter into a sex object? (mercatornet.com/articles/focus_on_media_a_toxic_culture_for_girls/) Is it because her mom, who bought her that ridiculous t-shirt, never felt sexy or got attention from men, so she and wanted to make sure her own daughter got a "good start" in life?

We then went into another store where three little girls, who were maybe 10, were wearing makeup. Lots of it. Thick mascara and garishly-blue eye shadow. We couldn’t help but stare. One of them turns to my daughters and says: “Why are you looking at us? Because we’re so hot?”

Parents, I am BEGGING you to stop sexualizing your children! They are not hot, they are not sexy . . . they are children! And as parents, it is your obligation to guard their innocence. Is it any wonder that our society seems to be getting overrun by sexual predators? Buying your children sexually suggestive T-shirts and dressing them up to look like street walkers is only fueling these predators' sick, sexual fantasies.

Think about that next time you decide to buy your daughter a T-shirt that says: “Kiss me. I’m daddy’s bad little girl.”

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EXcuuuuse Meez?!!

Image by ehnotsomuch42 via Flickr

I haven’t posted a blog in almost a week. That means my blood pressure is down and all is right with the world – if you’re not counting the recession, rising unemployment, Wall Street woes and the GM bailout.

Then last night, I found my next blog post. My teen was on a website called Meez. You ever heard of it? Basically, it’s a chat room where you can create an avatar of yourself that actually looks like you do in real life, and then you can manipulate yourself with the mouse to walk around the room, interacting with other chatter-avatars. Looked like one big party, so I watched for a while.

Then some idiot named Joe sent my daughter two messages, one right after the other:

“I like touching boobs.” EXCUUUSSEE ME??

And: “Can I borrow your vaginal cream?” OK, Buddy, get your little avatar paws off my daughter, you cyber creep!

One click and she was off that Meez website, and I set up parental controls to block it. I’m not sure how long she has been visiting Meez, as she goes to her dad’s house every other weekend, and I have zero control over what she does there. But she will not be on the Meez site over here anymore!

Pretty cool technology, I’ll give them that. But, once again, the Meez site is yet another portal through which creeps, perverts and predators can interact with our kids.

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Another Swipe At TPing

Image via Wikipedia
A woman named Emptynester, who responded to my last blog, said she was TP'd and doesn't have children. (So much for my daughter's theory!) She thought the attack on her home was outright malicious vandalism. So it got me thinking: Does the law consider TPing someone's house an act of vandalism?

I went straight to the source and called the local police department. According to the desk sergeant, TPing is "technically not vandalism because it does not damage property." It is merely a disturbance, he says. Egging a house, on the other hand, IS vandalism because it usually forces homeowners to paint a shutter or an outside part of the home where the egg has dried and has to be scraped off.

Not to worry, Homeowners . . . that doesn't mean the little vandals can get away with causing all that mischief. If caught in the act by the police, or if the homeowner knows with 100% certainty who did it, the kids can be cited for a curfew violation (most attacks happen very late at night, well past curfews) and forced to clean the mess up on the spot, so says the same officer in question. Or the homeowner can take it a step further and press charges for trespassing, which could result in a civil suit and the parents getting "wiped out" by a hefty fine.

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A Tissue Issue

Image via Wikipedia
Over the weekend, my neighbors got TP’d. Their trees and lawn were covered in a blanket of snowy, white tissue. In Maine, this spectacle might have looked quite ordinary this time of year. But with 80-degree temps in November in Southern California, trust me, white is not the color our lawns should be wearing. My shock immediately turned to sympathy. Whatever that family had planned for the day was going to have to wait at least 2-3 hours until they cleaned up that wet white mess.

We all did our share of TPing back when we were adolescents. I remember it being fun and somewhat thrilling, thinking we might get caught in the act. But now, as an adult, I have a whole different view on TPing. I see it from the homeowner’s perspective – it is a nuisance and cleaning it up is a major time-sucker. My teen tells me it’s a compliment if you get TP’d. It means you are popular, and some boy or girl likes you. Couldn’t the smitten young girl just bake my neighbor boy a lasagna, instead?

When we used to TP, we’d spend the night at someone’s house and then sneak out into the dark of night, when her parents were asleep, and do the dirty deed, because we knew it was wrong and that most rational parents would never condone us destroying a neighbor’s property.

Times change. I’ve changed. Today, parents are actually driving these kids over in their big-ass SUVs and letting them scatter, like roaches, out into the neighborhood with armfuls of toilet paper rolls. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?? These parents-turned-accessories watch and wait from the safety of the getaway car while these kids do their business. Then, what? They go home and make root beer floats and talk about how much fun it was to vandalize someone else’s property?

This fuddy duddy just doesn’t GET it! So I’m asking all the parents out there, would you drive your adolescents over to TP someone else’s house? Why or why not? And do you consider TPing vandalism?

Proud Of Pop

Something's been nagging at me all day. It's Veteran's Day, as you all know, and I really didn't pay enough tribute to the veteran in my life -- my own father.

I told you in the previous post that he fought in the Vietnam and Korean Wars. I was a tween then, and going off to war was just my father's job. It's what he did. Some people's fathers work in construction, some are lawyers, some fight fires. My father fought other men. It was his job, and I never understood the importance -- and magnitude -- of it, really. But I do now, all these years later.

This past summer, my daughters and I went to Wisconsin to see our first pow-wow. My father had the privilege of carrying the American flag for our tribe because he is the highest decorated Air Force officer in the Oneida nation. (That's a BIG deal!) He carried the flag stoically, pridefully, and I could see how much he was respected by other veterans. (That's him in the photo.) For the first time ever, I understood that soldiering wasn't just my father's job, it was, and is, his identity. It is the centerpiece of his life. It is his heart.

My father and I don't always see eye to eye. Who am I kidding . . . we fight a lot! I know I don't say this often enough, but I am proud of you, Dad. And I hope you got all the respect you deserved today on your day, Veteran's Day.

Take A Moment

Image by J.H.Gray via Flickr Today is Veteran’s Day. For most parents, this means a day off of work, no school for our kids and for the lucky ones, the tail end of a four-day weekend. Before you motor over to the park with your children or meet a friend for a matinee, give some thought to why you are able to enjoy these wonderful freedoms that we Americans have. Freedoms that look so tantalizing from outside our borders, that more than 20 million illegal immigrants have crossed over them to relish the American way of life, too.

Veteran’s Day is the day to commemorate all those brave soldiers – living and dead -- who have put themselves in the line of fire for us, in every war in America’s history. I come from a long line of warriors, a bloodline which really came in handy during my tumultuous 10-year marriage. (I can laugh about that now!) My great grandfather, an Oneida Indian, fought as a conscript in the Civil War and returned home crippled.

My paternal grandfather is one of the last surviving members of the Lost Battalion, a group of about 547 soldiers who were trapped in the Argonne Forest by German forces and were being slaughtered. When the US forces finally arrived, less than 200 men were left of the 77th division. My grandfather was one of them. He was eventually awarded a purple heart and when he died a natural death many years later, he was buried in Arlington National Cemetery, not too far from the gravesite of President Kennedy.

My own father was an Air Force pilot and navigator who fought in the Korean and Vietnam wars. He flew 18 tours of duty, which included 663 missions. He was awarded three Distinguished Flying Crosses and 18 air medals.

We were lucky – my relatives returned from their wars alive. And I am so grateful for that. Yet so many of our soldiers die on the battlefield, their families never to see them again, just so people they didn’t even know can sleep peacefully at night under the banner of freedom.

Today, take a moment to say “Thank you” to all the sons and daughters who have willingly fought for our country. We owe them our lives.

Ebony And Ivory

Image via Wikipedia

OK, OK, so Obama won the election. Convincingly, I suppose. OK, OK, so it was a slaughter! Whatever, Dad! Clearly, this country is demanding a change, although, as a Republican, it feels more like a revolution today. I am willing to give him a chance. What choice do I have? Who knows? He could be great. He’s young enough, he’s smart enough and he has a phenomenal speech writer. Let’s just pray he surrounds himself with the right people. Rather, the right LEFT people.

I was devastated when the electoral college tally put him over the 270-vote target. But I have to tell you, what did soften my granite heart a bit was when I saw Obama’s family and Biden’s family on stage together after the President-elect’s acceptance speech. White Biden relatives hugging and kissing black Obama relatives. Forty years after the Civil Rights movement, the symbolism was hopeful and uplifting. Blacks and whites visibly uniting, centerstage, to move our country forward.

Whatever comes out of Obama’s presidency, good or bad, having a black President should go a long way in repairing race relations in this country. Hey, it’s a start, anyway. And as a mother, I like knowing that my children will be growing up in a more racially tolerant country.

Oh, if I can just be a little petty for a moment . . . what was up with that black and red disaster of a dress that Michelle Obama was wearing? She may want to borrow some of Sarah Palin's designer suits.

Get out and vote, you McCainiacs!

Image by It's Our City via Flickr
My father is an extremely annoying man. He stirs up controversy and trouble wherever he goes because all he ever talks about is politics. Today, my annoying father will be at the top of his game. He has been waiting, rabidly, for this day all year because he is convinced that there will be a dramatic and righteous change of the guard, that Obama will be victorious and that the radical, right-wing extremists will no longer be in charge. His words, not mine. Simply put, my father hates Republicans. It’s a blind, all-encompassing hatred and needless to say, I am a huge disappointment to him.

I want McCain to win, not because I think he’s the right man for the job. There really is no “right man” this time. But because we don’t know enough about Obama, this junior Senator, this inexperienced politician who came out of left field. And I blame the media for this. They are the target of my rage today.

The media did not do their jobs during this election process, they didn’t ask the right questions of a man who has questionable associations with radicals, they did not dig deep enough into some troubling facts about a man who is poised to be the most powerful figure in the world. Probably because they spent too much of their time publicly eviscerating Sarah Palin, who isn’t even running for the presidency! They criticized her mothering, said she cheated on her husband, claimed she abused her authority as governor of Alaska, minimized her political popularity, devalued her executive experience and demeaned her intelligence. Nothing was safe with Sarah, not even the designer clothes on her back. And why the hell didn’t the media give equal time to bringing Biden down? He really stayed under the radar, didn’t he?

Back to my father. I really don’t want Obama to win today mostly because I will have to listen to dear old dad gloating for the next four years. God Bless Caller I.D.

Morning Drive

Image via Wikipedia This morning, I was driving my teen to school and we were flipping through the various radio stations. My teen settled on 102.7 KISS FM, hosted by the busiest man in entertainment -- Ryan Seacrest. He was taking a call from a woman who was complaining about how her husband had cheated on her multiple times throughout their marriage. So, she told Ryan, she decided to have an affair, too, and she wanted Ryan to call her husband and break the news to him. Not sure what happened after that because I quickly changed the station. I can't BELIEVE that this is the kind of tripe that radio stations are programing in the morning, when hordes of parents are taking their children to school! I guess it's fun for adults to witness the unraveling of trust and surely the breakup of a marriage LIVE, as it's happening, on the radio. After all, reality TV and radio is SO in vogue these days! But, come on! Is this the message we want to send to our daughters and sons -- that it's OK to betray the one you love because it will get you some airtime someday? I deprogrammed KISS FM immediately from our radio dial. It's no longer a "preferred" station. Send a message to their advertisers and do the same, won't you?

Bump, Sit, SPIKES!

So, is everyone as happy as I am that Halloween is over? I no longer feel obligated to open my door to complete strangers begging me for a sugar high. I actually ran out of candy this year, how about you? I knew things were desperate when I started rummaging through my pantry for anything worth giving away. I had given away all the treats. It was time for some tricks. I imagine there were a few surprised children last night when they dumped all their candy out on the rug and out rolled a can of tuna. Hey, in these tough economic times, that's dinner!

Today is November 1st. All Saints Day. How ironic that we should talk about teens, who are anything but saints. Last night, I met the boy that my 15-year-old is (in keeping with the Halloween theme) "sweet" on. Name is Nick. (Coincidentally, that was MY first boyfriend's name.) I wasn't impressed with Nick. More to the point, I was scared of Nick. He was the picture of a parent's worst nightmare: black leather, dark eyeliner and tall, stiff, spikes where there was supposed to be hair. (I learned later that they are called "Liberty Spikes.") My first thought was, "Please, God, let that be a Halloween costume." Then his two friends walked in, dressed the exact same way, and my next thought was, "Good God, Daughter. What are you thinking??" My teen SWEARS that Nick was in costume. She said that normally he has long, dark hair that hangs in his face. Was that supposed to make me feel better?? (BTW, that is not Nick in the picture!)

So what made me really MAD about these boys -- and Nick, in particular -- is that they walked into MY home, bumped right by me and didn't say one word! Not "Hello," not "Hey," not even a barely audible grunt that teenaged boys are famous for. Nada. Then they had the nerve to just go plop on my couch, and again, not even acknowledge me as I was standing there in the middle of the living room with my mouth agape. First I was mad at the punk Punkers for being so rude. And then I was mad at my daughter who didn't bother to introduce me, either. (And believe me, I let her know about that later!)

The moral of this blog? If you're the mother of a boy, who will one day be old enough to go to a girl's house and meet her parents, you may want to teach your darling son that it's probably a good idea for him to go out of his way to be charming and friendly and gracious to the girl's parents. Otherwise, it might be an extremely short-lived romance.

My daughter begged me to give Nick another chance. I just grunted.

Happy Hallo-tween!

Today, bloggers all around cyberspace are most likely going to post something about Halloween. So I'll fall into line, too. I've read enough mom blogs to know that moms are not very happy about the costume choices available for our children. Our options are either inspired by Disney or by Penthouse. Not much in between.

My 15-year-old wanted to be a bumblebee this year. Cute idea. But the $29.99 costume at Party City included Barbie-sized shorts that exposed 3/4 of my daughter's ass. Worried that my teen would be picked up for prostitution as she walks the streets tonight, we decided to make our own. (I'll have to post the photo later after I take it tonight.)

My tween wanted to be a waitress this year, but again, what was commercially available was completely inappropriate for an 11-year-old, who happens to be very tall for her age and wears teen-sized clothing. I could just imagine the snarky comments she'd get from the boys at school: "Yes, I'll have one waitress with nothing on her, please." So, we snubbed Party City and all the other like costume stores and went straight to the source: We rented a waitress uniform from Ruby's Diner for $20, and they were more than happy to oblige. We also bought a serving tray at Target ($5) and then made a fake shake with a plastic glass we had at home and stuffed it with white tissue paper. Done deal!

Moms -- THIS is the kind of creative thinking you need to do every Halloween -- let your children be who or what they want to be, but pull together the costume yourself. Let's stop giving creative control to the costume manufacturers, who think that what is best for our children is to dress them up like little pimps and whores.

Taco Bella

Image via Wikipedia I promised that this blog wouldn't be one big rant against society and what's happening to our kids. In keeping with that promise . . . yesterday was a beautiful day. A bella day (I don't really know Italian, but I think that's the right word for "beautiful.") Yes, times are tough. Layoffs are all around us. The stock market is on a frightening downturn. Retirement accounts have been ransacked by trusted financial institutions. The price of laundry detergent is through the roof, which is why my daughters are looking a bit grubby these days. BUT, there was a silver lining yesterday. A ray of hope for four afternoon hours.

Not sure you even knew this, but between 2-6 p.m. yesterday, Taco Bell gave away FREE beef tacos to anybody and everybody who came to one of their zillion locations all over the U.S.! I guess the taco giant was delivering on its promise to give away free tacos if either a Philly or a Blue Ray stole a base in the World Series. (http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/fan_forum/tacobell/)

So thanks to some big-league stealing, we little-leaguers got to do a little stealing of our own, too. And I hope you cashed in on it! You were limited to one taco per person. But there was no limit to how many Taco Bells you could . . . what was the word I used earlier? . . . ransack. So I hit three of them with my teenager in less than an hour. Call it greed, call it gluttony. I know I was guilty of two of the 7 Deadliest sins. But damnit! It felt good to be getting something for nothing for once!

Yesterday, the world wasn't looking so badly, after all. For one small window in time, We, The People, got free tacos and for once, felt like big enchiladas.

Shoot The Messenger

Image via Wikipedia OK, moms . . . I know you’ve heard this song, and I wonder if it bothers you as much as it bothers me. It’s a very popular, overplayed tune called “Paper Planes” by MIA. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sei-eEjy4g) When you first listen to it, it has a cool sound, a catchy tune and the singer belts it out in a very distinctive voice, I'll give her that. You can’t help but listen. Then comes the chorus: “All I want to do is . . . (pop, pop, pop – the sound of guns going off) and take your mo-nay . . .” then you hear a cash register drawer opening up.

When I first heard this song, my teen acted out the gun-shooting part with the thumbs and index fingers on both her hands, as though she was actually shooting at someone, and then when the sound of the cash register comes, she pulled down on an imaginary slot-machine lever. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing and what “mo-nay” was, and she quickly educated me.

“Mom, it’s ‘money.’ They’re shooting someone and taking their money.” At the end of the song, the gangsta gal brings it to a dramatic close by singing, "Some I murder, some I let go . . . "

What the HELL??? Is this what record producers think our children need to sing along to, or for that matter, is this what these musical geniuses think is going to sell records? Who do they think is going to give our teens the money to BUY these records, anyway?? Not me, and I implore YOU not to buy this CD or let your children download this song to their iPod, either! Since WHEN did it become popular for our children to emulate and glorify gangsters?

Please, PLEASE do your children – and the world -- a favor and switch the station every time this song comes on. Either find the Disney Channel, some soft rock station or shut the radio off altogether and use this time to connect with your children in a loving, way, rather than the way Hollywood is trying to reach them – through mainstreamed violence.

It's you and us against pop culture

Image via Wikipedia I’m a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to pop culture. I don’t have an iPod, and never will. The whole Nintendo phase blew right by me. (Now what is it, Xbox or something?) Two years ago, I was forced to buy a DVD player after Blockbuster stopped carrying VHS tapes. I can’t stand Rap music and how it popularizes the denigration of women to a repetitious, hypnotic beat. As my 11-year-old so wisely said, “RAP stands for Robots Attempting Poetry.” I am disgusted by how popular it is for kids to dress and talk illiterately like “gangstas” – “Whassup, Dude?” And then there’s Freak Dancing, which has our children simulating sex by grinding with partners at school dances.

Where is all this destructive influence coming from? YouTube, iPods, TV, video games and movies, for starters. My ex-husband bought my oldest an iPod with a gift card for free downloads. Little did I know she was downloading filthy-mouthed comedians discussing things a 15-year-old isn’t ready to hear. One night I caught the same teenager in question watching “A Shot at Love” a reality dating show, like “The Bachelor,” with a slight twist: Tila Tequila had to decide if she wanted to date a boy or a girl. (MTV is now blocked at our house.) Last Christmas, a relative sent my daughter the book “Gossip Girl,” a prequel to a popular TV show aimed at teenagers. In the first 10 pages, the “F” word was used 4 times, and teenagers were discussing sex and one father’s affair while mixing martinis in a home absent of parents.

Is it any wonder that 16-year-olds, like Jamie Lynn Spears, are getting pregnant?

What I’m trying to say is: Be vigilant. PAY ATTENTION to what your kids are watching, reading, listening to and accessing on the Internet. If your children are young, come up with a game plan now for how much pop culture you will or will not allow them to be exposed to someday.

We, as parents, are the final fortress surrounding our impressionable children. And just because something's popular doesn't mean we should let it in.