Monday, March 29, 2010
Stuff It, Walmart!
Everybody's going "green" these days. It's the new "black" of the marketing world. Hey, I'm all for conservation and sustainability and waste reduction and all that. I am a Native American, after all. But recently, the green movement has collided with my world. In case you haven't heard, Walmart is on a mission to reduce plastic bag use . . . how? By getting rid of them, altogether. That means that customers must either remember to bring their OWN bags to the store or . . . for 15 cents, buy Walmart's blue-clothy, politically correct recyclable bags.
It never fails, every time I go to Walmart, I always forget to bring my own bags. Mostly because my decision to shop there is usually SPONTANEOUS (a key word) and I don't make it a practice to drive around with a stash of empty grocery bags in my car. Do you?
So today I stop by Walmart to pick up a a few odds and ends. And that part is important. Odds and ends, meaning I bought a lot of loose stuff. I get to the checkout and DARN! -- I realized I forgot my bags again. Now, I REFUSE to pay 15 cents apiece for their recyclable bags because I think this whole "going green" thing is a scam by Walmart. I think they got rid of their plastic bags at a huge inconvenience to customers to force us to buy these recyclable bags and thereby create another stream of revenue for the company . . . all in the name of "conservation."
Sure, 15 cents doesn't sound like much, but when you multiply that by, say, five bags -- on the average -- per customer, TIMES the million or so customers that come through that place on a weekly basis, well, that's a helluva new revenue stream, Mr. Sam Walton.
So I told the clerk to wait on the next customer, and I ran out in the rain to my car to fetch the only thing I could think of that would hold these odds and ends that I bought -- a winter blanket, the one thing that I DO drive around with at all times. I ran back into the store, soaking wet by now, laid out the blanket in my cart, threw all my items into it, and then wrapped it up and twisted it like a giant piece of oragami -- praying the whole time that I didn't squoosh the bread.
The really fun part is when you get back to your car and you have to toss all these loose items into your trunk, pretty sure that they're going to roll around in every direction the entire ride home. Good thing I didn't buy any soda, which would have shot fizz into the air when I opened it and which probably would have rolled all over the bread, anyway.
I know everyone is applauding Walmart for "doing the right thing." Some companies are even following suit and have decided to deprive their customers of a means by which to carry their cherished purchases to the car, too. But I want you to know, Mr. Walton, that you have created a great inconvenience to many of your customers. Especially the ones who shop in your hallowed halls spontaneously.
You know, moms, like me, who make the spur-of-the-moment purchases that have made you the very rich man that you are today.