Monday, May 18, 2009

And The Ground Rumbled!

Last night, as I was reading some of the inspirational and truly moving responses provided by my newest fans, The Farkers, the floor beneath me rumbled, then my office chair started shaking, then the walls took on a life of their own. My first thought was, "OMG, the angry Farker mob is coming to get me!"

Then I heard my daughter scream, "Earthquake!" and it shook me out of my reverie. (Learn more about the shake-up here.)

We ran to the front door of our condo, and I'm not sure why people do this anymore. The Red Cross doesn't recommend it. (Here's what to do instead.) All our neighbors up and down the long, narrow condo complex poked their heads out their doors. I saw heads I had never met before. "Did you feel THAT??" they said nearly in unison.

What a silly question. I wanted to say, "Um, no. It's just a complete coincidence that we're all standing at our opened doors at the exact same time, looking scared and confused (and a little thrilled, I might add), some of us like the neighbor across the way in nothing but a T-shirt and undies." Of COURSE we felt that! In fact, my cat bolted so quickly up the stairs, I wasn't sure I'd ever see her again.

My daughters were afraid to go up to their rooms to sleep. But the Sandman eventually won out. Nope, it wasn't THE BIG ONE this time. And I think that really disappointed some of my crazy neighbors. But when THE BIG ONE does hit, there's not a whole lot you can do in about 10 seconds (5 seconds of which are wasted by you trying to figure out if it's an earthquake or not) but cover your head and hope that your sins have been forgiven.

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Felonius Monk said...

The Farkers are the least of your worries.You have come to the attention of /b/.

Your life is about to get very interesting.

Anonymous said...

Ahh be nice to the Farkers. They are just bored at work. They like to argue so if you really want to see something funny submit a link about Israel banning gay marriage summed up into a Lolcat.

Ivan said...

Ha Ha I agree with the Anonymous in that they have nothing better to do. People like them make Del Taco slogans, people like them make the world like it is now and people like them bring about the need for people like you and me.
"Sometimes I aint so sho who's got ere a right to say when a man is crazy and when he aint. Sometimes I think it aint none of us pure crazy and aint none of us pure sane until the balance of us talks him that-a-way. It's like it aint so much what a fellow does, but it's the way the majority of folks is looking at him when he does it."
- William Faulkner, As I Lay Dying

Canti said...

By "You are forgiven" i assume you mean "I give up on trying to rationalize my idiocy with you guys, I'm still making money off it(supposedly)".

That said, I must say that you're a pretty cute lady and if you ARE truly profiting from playing the part of an idiot mom on the internet by appealing to idiot moms all over the country, you're a freaking genius.

You're also pretty funny and the openings to your articles make me laugh.

Lynn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Canti said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Brian Norwood said...

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
I see some posters here are not men at all. So, forgive them their childishness, but put the childish ways behind you. Delete comments. Shut comments down if you have to. But don't spend anymore time with those who will not be instructed. Remember the same book that contains the golden rule also say do not set your pearls before swine. Those who cannot build only tear down, and they can lie with their ilk easily enough.

It's your blog. Say what you you wish to say.

Canti said...

Yeah, listen to brian, clearly the epitome of genius. "If people disagree, just completely ignore them, or not even give them the option! :D"

I can say right now that if she shut down comments, at least 10 blogs(one by me) would spring up dedicated to commenting on her ridiculous posts.


Sometimes you need to shut the hell up, get off your fucking high horse, and listen. Brian probably does not listen to anyone who disagrees with him.

Brian Norwood said...

Ah such wisdom. How could I be so wrong? Next time I disagree with someone, I'll harass and threaten them, throw around a lot of f-bombs and never once make any kind of intelligent counter argument other than "I don 'like what you are saying because it would make me bad! You are wrong! Nany nany boo boo! ... Oh, and f-bomb."
You are the exact kind of child we are trying to avoid, so tell us all about your philosophy on children, so we can do the opposite. If "nothing like you" is screwed up, sign me up. Twice!
Why don't you go "spring up" your own blog. All your buddies will pat you on the back for it.

Is that more what you were looking for? Oh, on one point, you are ABSOLUTELY right. "Sometimes you need to shut the hell up, get off your ----- high horse, and listen." I don't know who you heard that from, but that really is wise. You ought to try it sometime. I look forward to your profanity littered, hostile response.

Ivan said...

Wow Brian nice way to stick it! But he's right Canti you are doing the same thing you are complaining about, with the difference that you make absolutely no sense and mom does.

Jouda Mann said...

Ah. A Self Righteous airhead from California. That explains the Great DelTaco Fiasco of 2009. Oh! for an earthquake to pull a good ethnic cleansing of the west coast... All of the ethnically stupid getting crushed by their overpriced houses and drowning in a river of Starbucks latte foam. A man can dream.

Anonymous said...


Doesn't the Bible (which some of you are quoting) say that a woman place is behind a man - so let me be the first to say "Shut your whore mouth while men are talking".


PS - yea .. you are screwed /b/ knows of your site..