Condoms For Kids? Brilliant!

Beth Singer, you should be so proud of yourself! As the superintendent of schools for Provincetown, Massachusetts, you are probably under tremendous pressure to start teaching our children the ways of the Left as early in their sweet lives as possible. I’m sure that the schoolchildren are getting pretty tired of singing that Obama anthem every morning. “…We can change the world … yes we can, can CAN!” Catchy little tune, it is. But even Lady Gaga gets a little old and tired when you’ve heard “Poker Face” for the zillionth time.

So before you lose the children’s rapt, hypnotic attention – and the faith and confidence from the state of Massachusetts -- you’ve come up with a BRILLIANT idea! A radical change we can all believe in:

“LET’S GIVE SCHOOLCHILDREN CONDOMS!”

After all, we know how sexually active those first-graders can be, the little bunnies -- especially on the first day of school. All that nervous, excited energy can now be used constructively. Instead of chaos on the playground, girls and boys can now be encouraged to play more “cooperatively” with a little one-on-one time.

In fact, may I suggest that we get rid of all the playground equipment and replace those playful pieces with cozy chaise lounges and water-bed-like bouncy houses. You may want to keep the swings, however, for the more advanced condom-users – wink, wink!

I also suggest you put a contingency plan in place to handle all the demand. We wouldn’t want our little sweeties to have to stand too long in line waiting for their free condoms, especially when those wild sexual urges kick in. You know how horny second-graders can be!

Beth, I’m not sure you realize how brilliant you really are, because your one, single ruling to give children as young as 6 years old condoms, if they ask for it, has inadvertently opened up new channels of commerce.

Toys R Us can now have a “Children’s Adult Entertainment” aisle, where you can pick up all the latest sex toys and contraptions to enhance all that puppy love. I am SO excited that I will have more choices to make when it comes to buying the standard, boring birthday gift. And all the moms who are planning the birthday parties will be thrilled to know that they can save a little money by purchasing a Party Pack of colorful condoms to stuff in the goody bags. Won’t they look ADORABLE in there, surrounded by plastic necklaces, whistles and Gummy Worms?

Furthermore, your idea is probably going to help this crippled economy tremendously by reducing the unemployment rates. Because schools will be required to hand out condoms to everyone and anyone, no matter what the age, and without parental consent, they will have no other choice but to hire an army of school nurses to handle the spike in the number of STD cases.

Beth Singer, like I said . . . you are BRILLIANT! I am 100% certain that you aren’t a parent, and couldn’t possibly understand the endless joy we parents get from raising our sweet little children, and instilling in them good values and moral integrity. So to reward you, instead, I suggest that the school board give you a big promotion for creating all this change that we can believe in.

Maybe you could even run for President!

Shoot The Messenger

Image via Wikipedia OK, moms . . . I know you’ve heard this song, and I wonder if it bothers you as much as it bothers me. It’s a very popular, overplayed tune called “Paper Planes” by MIA. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sei-eEjy4g) When you first listen to it, it has a cool sound, a catchy tune and the singer belts it out in a very distinctive voice, I'll give her that. You can’t help but listen. Then comes the chorus: “All I want to do is . . . (pop, pop, pop – the sound of guns going off) and take your mo-nay . . .” then you hear a cash register drawer opening up.

When I first heard this song, my teen acted out the gun-shooting part with the thumbs and index fingers on both her hands, as though she was actually shooting at someone, and then when the sound of the cash register comes, she pulled down on an imaginary slot-machine lever. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing and what “mo-nay” was, and she quickly educated me.

“Mom, it’s ‘money.’ They’re shooting someone and taking their money.” At the end of the song, the gangsta gal brings it to a dramatic close by singing, "Some I murder, some I let go . . . "

What the HELL??? Is this what record producers think our children need to sing along to, or for that matter, is this what these musical geniuses think is going to sell records? Who do they think is going to give our teens the money to BUY these records, anyway?? Not me, and I implore YOU not to buy this CD or let your children download this song to their iPod, either! Since WHEN did it become popular for our children to emulate and glorify gangsters?

Please, PLEASE do your children – and the world -- a favor and switch the station every time this song comes on. Either find the Disney Channel, some soft rock station or shut the radio off altogether and use this time to connect with your children in a loving, way, rather than the way Hollywood is trying to reach them – through mainstreamed violence.