Another Stressful Day In Southern California

This past weekend, I took a very long drive down to my old stomping ground in Southern California. My daughters had a scheduled visitation with their father and I had some business to take care of. At the top of my "To Do" list was getting my hair done.

Yeah, I know. Seems like a long way to go for a few highlights. But you have to understand . . . I have been going to my stylist for more than 20 years! I’m having a very hard time giving him up for somebody local. He’s like a brother to me, or maybe more like a sister because he’s gay. He’s been with me through my single years, and all those crazy perms and experiments with reds. He did my hair for my wedding. He talked me into getting my first bob. And he made me look good through two pregnancies and one divorce. He's worth the drive.

The whole point of this blog is to share with you a certain perspective I acquired from this 400-plus-mile trip. And that is this: Southern California is a meat grinder! Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s the entertainment capital of the world. But it was only after I left it and returned for a short weekend did I also discover that it is the STRESS CAPITAL of the world, too.

The minute I came down off the Grapevine and got into the Mulholland Pass, I noticed a distinct physiological change in me. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and I could feel my blood pressure rise. Or maybe it was bile. Most noticeably, I became angry. Really angry. (How did I live like this for so long?) This asshole behind me who was driving a convertible BMW with a pristine-white leather interior was tailgating me so closely, we were practically spooning. I could see him in my rearview mirror gesticulating wildly and pounding his steering wheel as though that would intimidate me into speeding up.

I could hear him thinking, “Hey, You, the Nobody in the Honda! Move the hell over for me, a very important Hollywood type in a fancy car who just had an illicit nooner with my production intern and now I have to make up the time on the freeway to get to the charity auction that my trophy wife is hosting.”

(I lost track of how many stereotypes I just used.)

So I did the only thing a Northern California girl could do . . . . I slowed down. Just slightly. Ha! Take that, Mr. Prematurely Balding.

Once my wheels hit the 405 Freeway, my daughters noticed the change in me immediately. They had just told me days earlier that since we moved up north, I seemed calmer, more happy. My teen even told me that she thought I had become “less strict.” But once I entered the crazy, frantic gravitational pull of Southern California, I became my old self again. And it didn’t make me happy.

Maybe that’s why people in Southern California seem so self-absorbed half the time. It’s not that they really are, it’s just that they are entirely focused on rushing from one place to the next. There’s no time for niceties and common courtesies, because God forbid you should slow down and get trampled by the angry mob.

And if you do slow down it's usually because you're STUCK on a freeway somewhere. They should post road signs that say, "Welcome to Southern Calfiornia. Now turn off your engines because you're not going anywhere!"

Another interesting observation . . . we noticed the thick smog for the first time. When you live down in SoCal as long as we did, it’s not smog. It’s “morning haze.” Well, I can tell you after living up in a smog-free town that boasts fresh air and bright-blue skies, that stuff they’re trying to pass off in SoCal as “haze” is really disgusting, choking air pollution. Don’t be fooled by the lure of the beaches.

What, you say? You want me to say something NICE about my weekend in Orange County? OK . . . the hotel where I stayed was awesome. The Quality Suites at John Wayne Airport. Nothing fancy, just a nice, clean, roomy room at the right price. For $71 a night (which included a Triple A discount), I got a living room with a TV and a separate bedroom with another TV and a king bed. PLUS, a free, cooked-to-order breakfast every morning. Fresh eggs, hot pancakes, coffee, juice, you get the picture.

The only complaint is that on Sunday morning, the line for breakfast snaked way out the door, as everyone had the same idea: to sleep in on Sunday and rush down to breakfast 10 minutes before they closed.

A stressful start to another crazy day in overpopulated – but beautiful! -- Southern California.

My New Theme Song

If you're not an "American Idol" fan, you will be after watching the video in the post BELOW THIS POST. (For some reason, I couldn't include this block of copy and the video in one post. I'm still very blogger-challenged -- sorry!)

In fact, I will go so far as to say that you are probably watching the next crowned prince of the show -- Adam Lambert from Hollywood, California. This performance earned him a standing ovation on Tuesday night from the perpetually cranky, never-impressed-with-ANYONE Simon Cowell. That, in itself, is an AMAZING feat!

Why am I posting it here? DUH! The song is called "A Mad World," and I thought it would be a nice tie-in with my blog. Plus, with as many hits as this video is getting all over the Internet, this Mad Mom would be out of her mind not to!

Click and ENJOY! I have . . . about a million times!

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Not Alone In My Madness

Image via Wikipedia Now that I'm done whining about a few things, I think it's time I started enlightening you. Offer up some real-world advice for raising kids in this tech-savvy, cyber-obsessed world that, unfortunately on so many counts, is here to stay. I'm not adopting an "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. It's more of an "if you can't beat 'em, stay way ahead of 'em" philosophy.

I've stumbled on a few sites out there that you parents will find very helpful. Sites that can help parents guide their children safely through this age of social, interactive media. First off, check out connectsafely.org (http://www.connectsafely.org/). This site was started by the authors of "MySpace Unraveled: What it is and how to use it safely." You'll find tons of tips and advice on how to help your kids navigate safely through the Web and how to engage in safe social networking. Like these:


* Be reasonable and try to set reasonable expectations. Pulling the plug on your child’s favorite social site is like pulling the plug on his or her social life. Instead of being protective, it can shut down communication and send kids "underground" where they're more at risk. It's too easy for them to set up free blogs and profiles from anywhere, including friends' houses or even a cell phone.

* Talk with your kids about how they use the services. They, not news reports or even experts, are the ones to consult about their social-Web experience. Help them understand basic safety guidelines, such as protecting their privacy (including passwords), not harassing peers, never talking about sex with people they don't know, avoiding in-person meetings with people they "meet" online, and taking care in what they post - because anything people put online can be grabbed, reworked, and used against them.

* Support critical thinking and civil behavior because no laws or parental-control software can protect better than a child's developing good sense about safety and relationships. Research shows that kids who are aggressive and mean online toward peers or strangers are at greater risk of becoming victims themselves. So teach them to be good citizens and friends online as much as offline.

* Consider requiring Internet use in a high-traffic place in your home - not in kids' rooms - to help you stay aware of their online time. This way, you can encourage a balance between online time and their offline academic, sports, and social times. Know that there are also many ways kids can access the Internet away from home, including on many mobile phones and game players.

* Try to get your kids to share their profiles and blogs with you, but be aware that they can have multiple accounts on multiple services. Use search engines and the search tools on social-networking sites to search for your kids' full names, phone numbers and other identifying information. You're not invading their privacy if they're putting personal info in public "places" online. If their pages are private, that's a good thing, but it's even better if they share it with you.


© 2008 ConnectSafely.org

It's you and us against pop culture

Image via Wikipedia I’m a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to pop culture. I don’t have an iPod, and never will. The whole Nintendo phase blew right by me. (Now what is it, Xbox or something?) Two years ago, I was forced to buy a DVD player after Blockbuster stopped carrying VHS tapes. I can’t stand Rap music and how it popularizes the denigration of women to a repetitious, hypnotic beat. As my 11-year-old so wisely said, “RAP stands for Robots Attempting Poetry.” I am disgusted by how popular it is for kids to dress and talk illiterately like “gangstas” – “Whassup, Dude?” And then there’s Freak Dancing, which has our children simulating sex by grinding with partners at school dances.

Where is all this destructive influence coming from? YouTube, iPods, TV, video games and movies, for starters. My ex-husband bought my oldest an iPod with a gift card for free downloads. Little did I know she was downloading filthy-mouthed comedians discussing things a 15-year-old isn’t ready to hear. One night I caught the same teenager in question watching “A Shot at Love” a reality dating show, like “The Bachelor,” with a slight twist: Tila Tequila had to decide if she wanted to date a boy or a girl. (MTV is now blocked at our house.) Last Christmas, a relative sent my daughter the book “Gossip Girl,” a prequel to a popular TV show aimed at teenagers. In the first 10 pages, the “F” word was used 4 times, and teenagers were discussing sex and one father’s affair while mixing martinis in a home absent of parents.

Is it any wonder that 16-year-olds, like Jamie Lynn Spears, are getting pregnant?

What I’m trying to say is: Be vigilant. PAY ATTENTION to what your kids are watching, reading, listening to and accessing on the Internet. If your children are young, come up with a game plan now for how much pop culture you will or will not allow them to be exposed to someday.

We, as parents, are the final fortress surrounding our impressionable children. And just because something's popular doesn't mean we should let it in.