I like Honey Boo-Boo!

     When I was a sweet, young thing, I used to watch Shirley Temple Theater religiously every Saturday afternoon. It was my great escape. While all the other kids in the neighborhood were outside biking and skating and playing Barbies on their lawn, I was hunkered down inside our TV room mesmerized by this adorable little singing/dancing sensation named Shirley Temple. She had big, curly hair, cavernous dimples and a gigantic personality that just sucked me in.

     Shirley’s all grown up now, and so am I. But I have been newly sucked-in, for lack of a better description, by a 6-year-old named Alana Holler. Most people know her by her TV name, “Honey Boo-Boo.” Watching Alana on TV is like watching Shirley Temple all over again, with a little bit of trailer park thrown in. Alana hails from McIntyre, Georgia, and she loves competing in beauty pageants. She was introduced to the world through TLC’s highly controversial show, “Toddlers & Tiaras,” and she is such a stand-out character – I mean, this little girl is a nut! — she now has her own show on TLC called, "Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo."

     Now, I’m not a fan of child beauty pageants for the same reasons you probably aren’t, either. But Honey Boo-Boo is something else. Despite how some people might feel about her dysfunctional family and her beauty-pageant hobby, she is an extraordinary child – much like Shirley Temple was — with a personality too big to be contained in that 6-year-old body, and a precociousness that is beyond reason. Her mother, June, says she was born that way.

     It would be easy to cast judgment on Honey Boo-Boo and her clan. Many people have, as they are off the radar in the family arena. Her morbidly obese single mother is into extreme couponing, hoards hundreds of rolls of toilet paper and has been rumored to serve road kill for dinner. But despite the family's preference for spoiled meat, we really have no right to judge them. I’m a single mom, too, and I know how difficult it can be to be a one-man operation. Most single parents do the best they can against impossible odds, sometimes.

     I look at Honey-Boo-Boo and see a happy, joyous little girl with a gigantic appetite for life and one of the most engaging personalities I have ever seen in a child that age. Say what you want about her "redneck" family, but her controversial mother must be doing something right to have created such an exceptional child.  I see love there.  Lots of crazy love in that family.

     Bottom line: Honey Boo-Boo makes me laugh. And that’s something this single mom could do more of.

2016: Obama's America

          How many times have you been to a movie where the entire audience stands up and applauds while the credits roll?

          I just witnessed this amazing show of patriotism this weekend at the movie, “2016: Obama’s America.”  And I am reading about similar reactions erupting in theaters all over this country.  One woman, in Colorado, I believe, stood up and started singing “God Bless America!”  proudly and unselfconsciously.

          Now that’s the kind of RAP music I can tolerate!  (RAP, in this instance, being an acronym for Random Acts of Patriotism.)

          Anyhow, if you haven’t seen the movie, you MUST GO!  Bring your spouse, your teens, blindfold your liberal friends and drag them in there – or tell them you’ll pay for their ticket.  You know how much they like free stuff.

          This movie is a cinematic wake-up call. A frightening documentary about the man the majority of us (not me!) elected to the highest office in this country four years ago, not really knowing who Obama is or where he came from.  Hawaii? Indonesia? Kenya? Where exactly was he born, again?  

It’s amazing that after four years under this man’s leadership, we still don’t know any more about our own President than we did when he was promising to transform America back in 2007.

          Well, director DineshD’Souza cracks that nut wide open.  

          I took my 18-year-old to see the movie.  An attempt at indoctrination? Hell, yes!  I’m her parent, her college professor isn't.  It’s my right, not his.  She went in to the movie leaning left, and she came out hightailing it toward the right.  In her words, “Mom, that really scared me. Our country is in trouble.”

          From the mouths of babes.

FOOTNOTE:  I found this interesting quote online:  "When somebody goes to Yahoo!'s movie site and types in a film's name, typically hundreds of web search results come up yet when one searches for "2016: Obama's America" not one search result is returned," said "2016" executive producer John Sullivan. "The website for '2016: Obama's America' is generating nearly a million page views per day so it's not as though the information traffic is not out there. We look forward to Yahoo! updating its search capability so that viewers can easily find out information about ours and other popular movies."

                   

                   

Chik-fil-A Ruffles Feathers

          The mercury hit 99 degrees in this hot town around dinnertime yesterday, but that didn’t stop chicken lovers from flocking in droves to the Chik-fil-A in my town. I was on my way to get dinner elsewhere, and things got a little slow in the right lane. 

     As I got closer, I saw why:  Scores of cars were snaking around the restaurant and through the drive-thru.  I was impressed that my community was taking a strong stand against the suppression of free speech.  I didn’t know we had it in us!

I got out and started talking to people, and based on my very informal survey, most people were there to support “traditional marriage.”  One guy wearing a stars-and-stripes  T-shirt said he was there to support “Free speech.” 

And another very vocal man – who came out of the restaurant with three bulging bags holding $30 worth of chicken and fixin’s for his family  --  had a few choice words for the mayors of Chicago and Boston for saying that Chik-fil-A would not be welcome to set up business in their towns.  He couldn’t believe the government would step in and try to interfere with private business like that.

Two kind-hearted young men were passing out water bottles to the drivers waiting in the long line.  They were youth ministers from a local church who had bought cases of water with their own money so that they could thank people for coming out to support traditional marriage, they said.

I am BLOWN AWAY by the activist turnout in my town.  And it gives me great hope and optimism for the upcoming presidentialelections.

Yes, we made a very strong statement with our support of Chik-fil-A yesterday.  But the place where we need to really turn out in record numbers, and speak out very loudly and clearly, is at the polls in November. 

It looks like there may be very long lines there, too, so you may want to bring a bag lunch with you on election day.  May I suggest a Chik-fil-A sandwich?

ENCOURAGE YOUR TEENS TO VOTE!

My oldest daughter, who just finished her freshman year in college, wants to be a nurse.  Not sure where that calling came from, since her mother has always been weak-kneed at the sight of blood.  But I love that she wants to make her living as a healer and nurturer. She will be a natural at it, too, as she has always been balm for my spirit. 

While I think she has chosen the perfect profession at a time when the world needs more healing, I worry about her, too.  CBS News reports that half of recent college graduates can't find full-time jobs.  What must the parents of these graduates be thinking right now? I would imagine they feel cheated out of a rite of passage:  The right for them to pass on self-sufficiency to their children.

And do these grads who can’t find jobs feel hoodwinked? Think about it.  From the time our children are old enough to read a book, we impress upon them the importance of learning and getting educated.  “Without a good education, it will be hard for you to find a good job someday.”  Haven’t we all recited some variation of this mantra through the years? 

Now, record numbers of young adults are moving back in with their parents, crippled by grim job prospects and insurmountable student-loan debt. There's even a name for them:  Boomerang kids. In fact, the Census Bureau reports the number of shared households increased 11.4 percent to 22 million, between 2007 and 2010. 

What kind of America are we passing on to our children – the new generation of dependents?  The last four years of an ineffective presidency -- more focused on dragging down the country with a stratospheric deficit than trying to create jobs -- has placed every parent in the uncomfortable position of having to tell our children the truth:  “It doesn’t matter how hard you work in school to get good grades, Sweetie, you’re pretty much screwed once you graduate.”

So, as my 18-year-old transitions into adulthood and takes a giant leap of faith into her vastly uncertain future, I am hovering over her as a helicopter mom one last time to encourage her to do something that will greatly improve her job prospects one day:  

           “Honey, you need to register to vote.”

Half-Baked Parents

I own a cupcake shop now. Been in business almost a year. It absorbs nearly all of my time, which is a familiar chant from small-business owners. And it is the reason why I have abandoned this blog for so long. Sorry, folks. I just don't have time to bitch about anything anymore.

I know many of you couldn't be happier!

But lo and behold, I discovered yesterday that I still have a lot of whining in me. We have a promotion going at the shop, whereby we are offering cupcake-decorating classes for both kids and adults. So yesterday, we have our first class. Several children walk in -- with their parents. They look about 6 or 7 years old. An older woman in her late 50s then joins us. And at the last minute, a little girl runs in who is about 5. She is all by herself. Surely, I assumed, her mom or dad can't be too far behind. I waited. And waited. But no one else came through the door.

So I asked "Riley" where her mommy was. She said that her dad just dropped her off and left. Left?? Well, when would he be coming back, I asked. Riley replied, "He said in an hour."

What the "F?" And by "F" I mean "Father."

What kind of half-baked parent drops off his adorable 5-year-old daughter at an unfamiliar place with total strangers and just leaves? Doesn't even bother to come in to introduce himself, or at the very least, ask me if it would be all right if Riley stayed here without him? Of course, I would have said, "No!" After all, I am running a gourmet cupcake shop, not a daycare center.

I asked Riley if her daddy dropped her off at places a lot. She said that he did. At gymnastics and Toys 'R Us.

I was astounded!

Doesn't this "father" ever watch the news? Doesn't he know that children are getting abducted and murdered, the Casey Anthony case aside, in what seems like a peak hunting season for sexual predators?

I had half a mind to call the police. For Riley's sake. I mean, yeah, there would be some drama as the police questioned her dad. But I couldn't shake the thought that maybe I would be saving Riley's life down the road since abandoning her seems to be a habit of his.

But I didn't call the police. For Riley's sake. I thought it best to talk to him when -- and IF -- he picked her up. So the class ends, guests leave, and 25 minutes later Riley is STILL waiting for her ride. (Notice how I didn't say "father." Just "ride.")

The door opens and in walks her mom. Where is dad? Now the plot thickens. So Riley's mom and dad actually made arrangements with each other: Dad would drop her off and mom would pick her up. A conspiracy of stupidity.

Remember . . . she is only 5 years old!

I gave mom a piece of my mind and, hopefully, made her think twice about being a more vigilant parent.

Still, I wonder . . . should I have called the police? Was it my obligation to protect Riley from her negligent parents?

What would you have done??

Condoms For Kids? Brilliant!

Beth Singer, you should be so proud of yourself! As the superintendent of schools for Provincetown, Massachusetts, you are probably under tremendous pressure to start teaching our children the ways of the Left as early in their sweet lives as possible. I’m sure that the schoolchildren are getting pretty tired of singing that Obama anthem every morning. “…We can change the world … yes we can, can CAN!” Catchy little tune, it is. But even Lady Gaga gets a little old and tired when you’ve heard “Poker Face” for the zillionth time.

So before you lose the children’s rapt, hypnotic attention – and the faith and confidence from the state of Massachusetts -- you’ve come up with a BRILLIANT idea! A radical change we can all believe in:

“LET’S GIVE SCHOOLCHILDREN CONDOMS!”

After all, we know how sexually active those first-graders can be, the little bunnies -- especially on the first day of school. All that nervous, excited energy can now be used constructively. Instead of chaos on the playground, girls and boys can now be encouraged to play more “cooperatively” with a little one-on-one time.

In fact, may I suggest that we get rid of all the playground equipment and replace those playful pieces with cozy chaise lounges and water-bed-like bouncy houses. You may want to keep the swings, however, for the more advanced condom-users – wink, wink!

I also suggest you put a contingency plan in place to handle all the demand. We wouldn’t want our little sweeties to have to stand too long in line waiting for their free condoms, especially when those wild sexual urges kick in. You know how horny second-graders can be!

Beth, I’m not sure you realize how brilliant you really are, because your one, single ruling to give children as young as 6 years old condoms, if they ask for it, has inadvertently opened up new channels of commerce.

Toys R Us can now have a “Children’s Adult Entertainment” aisle, where you can pick up all the latest sex toys and contraptions to enhance all that puppy love. I am SO excited that I will have more choices to make when it comes to buying the standard, boring birthday gift. And all the moms who are planning the birthday parties will be thrilled to know that they can save a little money by purchasing a Party Pack of colorful condoms to stuff in the goody bags. Won’t they look ADORABLE in there, surrounded by plastic necklaces, whistles and Gummy Worms?

Furthermore, your idea is probably going to help this crippled economy tremendously by reducing the unemployment rates. Because schools will be required to hand out condoms to everyone and anyone, no matter what the age, and without parental consent, they will have no other choice but to hire an army of school nurses to handle the spike in the number of STD cases.

Beth Singer, like I said . . . you are BRILLIANT! I am 100% certain that you aren’t a parent, and couldn’t possibly understand the endless joy we parents get from raising our sweet little children, and instilling in them good values and moral integrity. So to reward you, instead, I suggest that the school board give you a big promotion for creating all this change that we can believe in.

Maybe you could even run for President!

Dan Wozniak Fooled Us All

In 2005, my two daughters were bitten by the acting bug and auditioned for the cast of “The Music Man,” produced by Orange County Children’s Theater (OCCT). The lead role, the actual Music Man himself, was played by Dan Wozniak. The now-infamous Dan Wozniak. You know . . . the guy from Costa Mesa who just murdered two people in Orange County, California, severing the head and limbs of his first victim without nary a nudge from his conscience, and then shot an innocent woman to cover up his first crime, making it appear as though his first victim killed his second one?

Today, I am angry that I was fooled. I’ve always prided myself on being such a good judge of character, a learned skill that has steered me clear of several potentially bad relationships.

Dan was a great local actor. A rising community theater star, who we have since learned, had staged his entire life. Little did anyone know how eerily good of an actor he really was. The perpetually happy guy with the aw-shucks personality and gentle disposition, the guy who everyone loved and admired – including both my daughters -- was not the gentle soul he pretended to be. Underneath all that fake niceness was a killer. It’s shocking. I mean, who would have known?

Certainly not Brittany, who is undoubtedly counting her lucky stars today. I forgot Brittany's last name, but she was a longtime member of OCCT who starred alongside Dan in a number of shows. Dan and Brittany became an item. Kind of romantic, when you think about it. But what made that pairing so odd that summer-- and a little scandalous, as I recall -- was that Brittany was only 16 years old to Dan's 20 years. I believe they got engaged or were talking about getting engaged. I don't remember. But I do recall some parents thinking, "Isn't that statutory rape?" When I first heard about the heinous murders committed by Dan, my thoughts went immediately to Brittany, whose heart was broken, in the end, by this creep, who was rumored to have cheated on her. If you never got over Dan, Brittney, now would be a good time.

I read somewhere that Dan had told a close confidant, “I always knew I would kill someone someday. I just didn’t know who or when.”

It makes me wonder . . . was Dan harboring those psychopathic thoughts when he was sharing the stage with all those kids from Orange County Children’s Theater those many years? What was he thinking when he put his arms around my two daughters and posed for one picture after the next? As a parent, the idea that I let a psychopathic killer get that close to my children and win my trust gives me the creeps!

Even more disturbing . . . why was a man in his 20s still involved in children's theater??

Dan was ALWAYS smiling and joking around, and I remember walking up to him in the green room once, giving him a hug, and telling him what a nice guy he was and how much I admired his talent and positive energy. About three years later, I ran into Dan at the Verizon store on Beach Blvd. where he had recently become employed. I gave him a hug that I now wish I could take back, and with that animated smile he was so loved for, he told me that he was doing great and dabbling in a little local theater. That was the last time I ever saw cheery ol’ Dan Wozniak.

The last OCCT play my daughters were in was “Once Upon A Mattress,” directed by, who else, but Dan “the ax man” Wozniac. Dan did a brilliant job of directing, and the play got rave reviews. (Well, I don’t really remember if that was true. But I loved it, anyway.) A directorial star was born that opening night, and I had this feeling we’d be hearing a lot more from Dan in the future.

I was right. I just didn’t expect the news to be so grisly . . . and SO disappointing.